A Different Fourth of July

Before I started this post I read my niece Hilary's post. So sweet. I remember the old ladies telling me to enjoy my babies, that this was the best time of my life. I don't want that to be true. I want there to be other best times of my life. But having babies is pretty wonderful, having toddlers using their words is so much fun. Being the center of their universe is a feeling like no other. And yes, I am a little jealous, and nostalgic.

While I have been standing still, life progressed around me. Things that I took for granted, that we would all spend holidays together...well that has gone. Maybe it will come back once in a while, but I think that all my nieces and nephews and their children and lovers are all going their own way and that big sweet family is something of the past. Maybe after the divorce goes through things will be different. I think everyone is uncomfortable with being with me and Scott these days. I remember telling him that I did not want to give up his family, they mean too much to me. Betty tells me I will always be her daughter.

The job with McKnight Foundation did not come through. I didn't even qualify for an interview. Unemployment stands at 9.5%. Employers have a huge pool of desperate people to choose from and wages are either stagnating or being lowered. I am pleased that Scott is making a good living at Costco. He works very hard. I wish I could find something that I could work hard at and come home exhausted and happy.

Fourth of July was nice. I enjoyed being with Clara's family. Three of her brothers, one sister, and two spouses were there along with her mother. Ernie invited some Chilean friends and I brought the folks. Eri and John were there without Gavin. Scott spent a lot of quality time with the old lady and the old man brought his Speed Graphic to Ernesto. He really enjoyed showing him how it worked and Ernie will keep it for awhile, or forever. I like seeing the folks acting generously. It is good for them.

I am still not happy with the old man. I talk to him as little as possible. When I feel stronger I will try to tell him what he did to make me so angry. I feel petty about the way I am treating him. Two wrongs do not make a right, I know, but I am so tired of his crap. Let me tell you, he is not going easy into that goodnight. He is really fighting to keep his identity and independence. I respect that, but not at my expense. I wish I was a better person and could accept everything with compassion and equanimity.

Fireworks in Excelsior with a friend. We parked a couple of blocks away on Water Street and walked way over to the park. So many people think it is too crowded close up and think they have to sit far away by the docks. But I know Minnesotans, they always leave room between groups. We put down our blanket in a great spot and had a fine view of the show. It only took a little over a half hour to get out of town! We had to go south to Lake Lucy Road in Chanhassen, then over to 41 before going north. I remember years when it took over an hour to get out of Excelsior. So here you have it from the biggest worrier: You can go to the Fourth in Excelsior at 9:30, get good seats and have a good time. You do not have to be there all day. Hooray!