First World Problems

 I was rather pissy yesterday and was determined to write about what a bait and switch, waste of time I spent at a Sprint store. You know that plan with an iPhoneX they are advertising for only $35? Yeah, if you have five, count’em, five lines. I could still have one for only $700. What a deal. The print is so small it is just barely legal. How about their $25 unlimited plan? Only if you spend another $300 for a different phone. Well, can I transfer my own older iPhone and get a cheaper rate? No, one can’t use an AT&T iPhone on Sprint Network.

I wanted to write a sanctimonious blog about all that boring crap but I kept forgetting why I was pissy. What am I worked up about again? Oh yeah, that’s right…and I would immediately forget again the reason for being upset. It occurred to me, kind of like a coconut hitting me on the head that I was an idiot for spending time and energy on this non-problem. As my younger daughter would say, it was purely a first world problem.

Today I spent about an hour on the phone so I could transfer a little bit of money from a retirement account to pay my property tax. How lucky am I? Very! Not only do I have an affordable roof over my head, I have a little put by. Yes, I need to find a job but there are also jobs to be had if I actually apply. I won’t have to gather gravel in a basket and carry it on my head to where they are building a road. I will drive in my own car on a road already built. There is food in my fridge and even frozen treats. I am a fortunate woman.

For me, the key to keeping perspective on what is real and what is borrowing trouble is limiting media. I can’t invite all that negativity into my home and life. Whether it is Bernie Sanders or the noodge in chief, I must set limits. That doesn’t mean sticking my head in the sand. It means learning what I need to learn and then surrounding myself with beauty. I don’t watch TV about serial killers or kidnappers. I want to laugh or be overwhelmed with the beauty of this life. I want to see new species of fish and amazing weather. I want to smile at videos of babies laughing with their silly daddies. I want to take the time to be in the moment, this one right now. Sometimes that consciousness lasts more than a few seconds and for that I am profoundly grateful. This life and the awareness of how blessed I am is a gift beyond riches.

To anyone reading this, blessed be. I wish you well.

Suspension Of Disbelief

Last week I went to the movies twice. First I saw a silly Seth Rogan/Charlize Theron romantic comedy, The Long Shot, and two days later experienced the latest and last Avengers. Both were fantasies and I’ve been trying to understand why I liked one over the other. It has to do with the suspension of disbelief.

When watching a super hero story all touchstones with reality fly out the window. This could never happen, never, never, never. I don’t fantasize having superhuman powers. As they say, it’s not in my wheelhouse. And if I did have a super power it might be knocking heads together until people behaved. Even in imagination I can’t think of any words that would do the job. No, I’ve never wanted to defeat armies with magic arrows or be a computer savvy behemoth. Every time the Hulk worked on a laptop I had to ask, why? Wasn’t there anyone with normal size fingers available? And right there… rational thought takes over and there goes my disbelief leaving me wondering just how long this CGI battle will take. It costs so much to produce these effects and they need to get their moneys worth although I’ve had enough after about ninety seconds.

Then there is a silly story about a beautiful woman falling for Seth Rogan. I am not his biggest fan because he always plays the same character, a crude bumbling idiot. What made this film different is that he grows as a human and changes for the better. After having the obligatory cringe, I actually liked who he became. Could I believe that Charlize Theron could fall for him? That woman is so beautiful, could that ever really happen, a beauty falling for a bumbler?  I’ve watched “Say Yes to the Dress.” It seems any number of ordinary guys get to marry beautiful women in expensive dresses. The bride always describes him in glowing terms be he fat or skinny or funny looking. They never say he’s the best thing on two feet. They talk about his heart and their connection every time.  Putting aside the beauty of Charlize and the crudity of Seth, I was able to suspend disbelief and enjoy the show.

 My favorite movies are unpredictable, where I don’t know what will happen. If there is anything at all I can truly relate to, I’m willing to immerse myself. I’ve loved Second Hand Lions, and Enchanted and all the Muppet movies. These are as ridiculous as the Avengers and I think I know why I like them anyway. It is the element of surprise. They kept me engaged and paid for my attention with great endings. Even movies like Match Point, or Vicki Christina Barcelona, while not comedies engaged me to the end.

Life these days is not a fantasy. I could never dreg up the horrors that Donald Trump unleashes daily. I simply do not have the imagination to go that low. I’m bored and beaten down by the stupefying display of lying and downright meanness. I’m discouraged by fellow Americans believing the awful lies. The Emperor is naked, showing all his warts and they believe he’s wearing magnificent robes. Although each day is worse than the one before I have to step back and say no. No, Stephen Colbert and Trevor Noah. No, Rachel Maddow, no NPR. I need a break. Then I think maybe this is all part of the plan. Wear down thinking people like water on sandstone. Eventually the strong stone is eroded and the water finds its level. It is only two years into this nightmare, and two years to the next election. Please, can we have a break? I am suspending disbelief; it is springtime in Minnesota and I am determined to enjoy it.

Walking with Denise

On Monday I asked my neighbor Denise if she would like to go to the library with me. She said she had drumming with her group and invited me. No, I said, I did not want to do that. How about a walk tomorrow afternoon? Fine, I said. Give me a call when you want to go.

We live in a beautiful area replete with fine walking paths just outside our door. We started out on the wooden walkway above the pond and made our way down to the little creek where Canadian Geese were gathered. I was a little wary because of their size and territorial nature. Denise said we’d be fine and we were. We passed several families with downy yellow goslings. They were so sweet and the mamas let us look at their babies. Some were awake but some were asleep in the way of newborns everywhere, flopped down, little legs akimbo, dead to the world.

My friend and I share many similarities; we are both in our sixties, divorced after long marriages, under employed, want to laugh and both of us experience depression. Sometimes it is just good to talk to someone who knows what that is like. I am lucky that antidepressants help me live a pretty normal life. Denise has never found one that works. She’s looking into an alternative therapy and I’m interested to hear how that works out.

One thing about “clinical” depression that many people don’t understand is that being depressed is not the same as being unhappy. It is not caused by an event or crisis although stress can certainly trigger depression. What gets me through is the knowledge that it gets better. Exercise helps, but it is really hard to exercise when down.  It was fun to bitch and moan about what was going on with each of us. I didn’t try to fix her and she listened to me. By the time we got to the geese we had unloaded our complaints onto the path and were able to talk about the little blue flowers on Creeping Charlie. We agreed that some people thought it a weed, and others bought it in pots. Oh, it is fun to walk with someone who speaks from her heart. We didn’t go fast and before we knew it we left the park, crossed the street and started around a nature area. The sky was blue, the clouds wispy white and at four o’clock on a Tuesday afternoon, we only saw one other walker and one guy on a bike. The paths were ours to wander, admire, and commiserate. I’ve always had a hard time with small talk. I want real talk. I’m good with pleasantries for about five minutes. We agreed that we were very interesting people, not superficial (oh no, not us!) at all.

We got back and watched bachelor mallard ducks paddling about our pool. Four of them enjoying the cold water and trying to find something to eat in the chlorine. I don’t know why they come here each spring and hope they don’t defecate in the water. Tomorrow they will be on the lake. My plan for today is simple. I will eat good chocolate and fresh fruit while enjoying being alive.