Lay down with kittens, wake up with fleas

The vet combed the kitten and couldn't see any fleas. She warned me they might be in the egg stage. I have a feeling they are not eggs any longer. I still can't see them, but something has me all bitten up! Quick search on Google tells me Piper is too young to use chemicals on and that I will be washing every bit of bedding AGAIN. The treatment is to bathe him with Dawn dishwashing detergent. Thank goodness he is tiny and my sink is deep. I think I can do it by myself. 

We were lucky that our daughters never caught lice. Dumb luck since elementary schools are the place even the cleanest of kids get them. There was a time when my nephews and niece got lice and kept getting re-infested. Their mother had to wash all the bedding and all their clothes time and time again. What a job! 

Right now he is running across the top of the couch and ducking down under the pillows in the corners. He is as cute as cute can be, fleas and all. 

Dear Readers, if you have hints on how to deal with this pesky problem on a tiny kitty and a carpeted apartment, please let me know. Thanks! 

Piper!

Yesterday my friend gave a home to a kitten that was found in a drainage pipe. Today it occurred to her that there might be be another kitten abandoned. I am now the owner of a little boy kitten. He is all of 3/4 of a pound and only four weeks old. He likes being held and has a squeaky little voice and a very quiet purr.

I don't know why people just throw animals out of car windows. Don't they know they can take them to the Humane Society, a no kill shelter? (Why do people put newborns in the garbage when any fire station or hospital will take the infant?)

My friend named her little girl Nefertiti. I looked at Egyptian names but thought since he was found in a pipe, he should be Piper. He has eaten a little sliced turkey, lapped at a little formula, and pooped in his sleeping box.  Hopefully tomorrow he will use the litter box.

Thank you

To my daughters, thank you for making me a mother. It was the best job on earth and I am privileged to have watched you grow into wonderful women and the most decent of human beings.
To my son-in-law and his son, thanks for making me a mother-in-law and instant granny!
To my nieces and nephews, thank you for making me an auntie, and now a grauntie. It is wonderful to be a part of your life, be you near or far.
To my generous in-laws, thank you for helping me achieve independent living. My debt is immeasurable.
To my almost ex, thank you for going through much of life's adventure with me and not smothering me in my noisy thrashing sleep! Thanks for staying a friend.
To my sister, always there, and there always, thank you.

To the men and women sounding the sirens, thank you for being available to help those in crisis.
To the municipalities that provide clean water available twenty-four hours a day at the touch of a faucet, thanks.
To the growers, pickers, drivers and retailers in the supply chain of food, thank you for making life delicious.
To the hallway cleaners at the condo, thanks for all your efforts to keep my home beautiful.

To the teachers who taught me with passion, thank you.
To the taxpayers who funded my education, thank you. I will always remember the next generation.
To bosses who showed me respect, thank you and you have my respect.
To bosses who did not lead well, thank you for showing me what not to do.
To the administrators and aides who work with our seniors to keep them healthy and in their own homes, thanks.

To my old man, who makes demands, rarely says thank you, and doesn't appreciate what is done for him, thank you for being my father.  Contrary to your example I have become a giving person who is learning patience and forgiveness. When your actions annoy me I have the opportunity to assess my reactions and see the direction I want to grow. Being with you and learning more about your life has made me more compassionate. It has shown me that each minute brings a choice, to be miserable and make life miserable for those around us, or live in light.

Call me Sunbeam.

Thinking about kindness and compassion

On a daily basis, I try to be kind. I try to see the other's point of view (if I can look beyond my own). But how about compassion? A few examples; a dithery kind of nosey old lady came to my door to invite me to something happening in the building. I stood in the doorway and gave her the information. I did not invite her in, as I would most anyone. Was I unkind or just practical knowing it would be hard to get her to leave? A man from an online site contacted me that he was going to be in the area fairly regularly because he had a mother who lived here. It turns out that he is married and she does not know he contacts other women. Would I even meet him for a friendly lunch? No. I do not want to be part of another woman's unhappiness. Is it unkind not to make a new lunch pal? The practical part of me says, "Take care of you. Don't waste your time with people who are not of interest to you." But the part that looks over my shoulder says I could  have been kinder. I play a non-monetary betting game on line and often let the person with the fewest points win. Talk about random acts of kindness! It would be impossible to be any more random.

Several years ago I was lucky enough to see the Dalai Lama in person when he came to Minnesota. One story he told was of his friend, a monk who spent 20 years in a Chinese prison. When asked about the hardest part he said it was keeping his compassion for the Chinese. I knew I was quite far from that high place.

I was one of the biggest anti-Bush people around. I could not watch him speak or look at his face. One year my nephews gave me a life size George W cutout for Christmas. I screamed and threw it on the floor after opening it. Then I jumped on the effigy. Too bad no one caught it on tape; that would have won the prize. Much to my surprise, at the Obama inauguration I felt real compassion for him as outgoing president and human being. No one wanted to shake his hand. He looked so sad and lost. He truly didn't understand that his game was over and no one wanted to play with him anymore. As his helicopter flew away, I felt a weight come off my shoulders. It would take years to fix the country he and his friends broke. But I did feel compassion for that sad man. I admit it will take more years, if ever, for me to forgive Rove, Cheney and that pack of thieves. Heck, I am still angry at the damage done by Reagan.

It is all bound up together, kindness, compassion, and forgiveness. I am not sure I can have one without the others. It is Monday, a good day for working on all three.

ADDENDUM:
A man made a date with me last week for lunch today. He stood me up, no call, text, or email until this afternoon when he sent me a fb message saying he had been in a meeting he could not get out of. OK, I told him all the alternatives he could have done and that he left me looking like a fool. I showed no compassion, kindness, or forgiveness. I am not really mad, but I wanted him to feel bad... I have such a far distance to go to be the person I want to be.

ADDENDUM 2:
I accepted a nice apology.

Missing our mothers

Today on fb I reconnected with a friend from back in the day. It has to be well over 40 years since we had seen each other. We both lost our mothers at a young age. She wrote, "I was so young when she died, and have spent a good deal of time learning who I am based on that single event (and how it changed me)."


Oh my goodness. I was six and I remember only good things about my mother (and one time that she got mad at me for breaking a lamp) and the aspirations she had for me. She got me my first library card at four years old and I still read voraciously. I can still see the sun making the children's room at Grand Army Plaza golden. I learned to ride a bike because I remember my mother showing me a picture of college girls riding through the autumn leaves and telling me I would do that. None of that came to pass and when my father was most out of control I would often wonder how different my life would have been had she still lived.

My father is a man who cannot handle change, based on his own horrific upbringing and my mother kept him in check. He was left with and 11, 6 and 2 yr old. He remarried a woman ill prepared to cope with all of it about a year after my mother died.

When my eldest was six I went for grief counseling and the therapist told me it was natural for me to feel anger at the one who died. But I didn't because I knew deep in my soul that she NEVER wanted to leave me, never, never, never. I have had a rocky life with the old man and in 2005, I moved him and my stepmother from Bayview to assisted living in a suburb of Minneapolis. The crisis commuting was too much.

She is 96 and he is 95, married over 50 years; I have no doubt that I did the right thing even though they have taken five years of my life. Their declining years are peaceful, especially since the old man is on an anti-depressant. How I wish we could have got him on something years ago. What a change for the nicer, although he can still be a pain in the ass.

We will always miss our mothers. The old lady still misses her mother who died in 1969. I went to the cemetery back in 1996 and just howled with grief when I saw her headstone and quite alarmed my 19 year old daughter. The best I can do to honor her memory is live a good life, or a life of goodness. I have been so lucky to have had a wonderful mother-in-law and even though I am not married to her son any longer, she still considers me her daughter. 

I look forward to a long life as a mother. I am learning to keep my mouth closed and treat my daughters as the strong women they are who don't need my advice. They just need my love and acceptance, which they have in bushels.

The worst that could happen

When I was a young girl shopping with my step mother in NY I thought the worst that could happen was getting separated and lost among the crowds of shoppers. As a young mother I thought it might be going to jail. These things never happened. As a woman in my late fifties I found myself saying that the worst had happened and I lived through it, no fear. I lost my marriage and job and found myself saddled with demanding old parents and no income. But these are not the worst that could happen. Oh, no, not by a very long measure.

I live in a beautiful little place in a nice neighborhood. My children are healthy, I have some friends. The refrigerator is filled with good things to eat. Hennepin County has a fabulous library system and a program that keeps old people in their homes and healthy. I just took a shower in water that is piped to my condo, both cold and hot. My health is fine and If I am not happy, it is because I am focusing on a few blades of crabgrass in an otherwise verdant lawn.

In parts of this world women are stoned to death for adultery. Villagers walk miles to get water from suspect sources. Children go to sleep and wake up hungry as their parents are helpless to feed them. A huge population of children in Africa have lost their parents to AIDS and the lucky ones have a grandmother to raise them. Displaced people are roaming the earth looking for a safe shelter that they can call home. Brides are being burnt in India, yes, there is a whole long list to make one sad. In North Minneapolis a day doesn't seem to go by without a shooting incident of some kind. Call me Debby Downer if you must.

I truly do not know the answers for all the problems in this world. I know though that I must acknowledge the suffering. I can't say that a young woman cast out of her village for having a fistula is not my problem and since there is not much I can do about it I don't need to know about it. It seems to me that by appreciating my life, by seeing how very blessed I am, an energy is given me. By gaining perspective, I gain in compassion and understanding.  The Dalai Lama talks so much about compassion because it is only through that compassion we put ourselves in a mindset where we can work for the betterment of all. Today, I am striving for compassion and I hope I achieve some. Why not? What is the worst that can happen?

A conversation for the birds

Up very early, before the sun listening to the birds. I swear it sounds like conversation.
"Chirp?"
"Go back to bed, sun isn't up."
"Chirp, chirp?"
"It is Sunday, let me sleep a little longer."
"Chirp... chirp.... CHIRP!"
"We'll eat soon."
"Chirp?"
"I don't know... where do YOU want to go?"
"ChIrp's?"
"We can go to McDonalds anytime, let's go someplace different."
"Chirp?"
"The bistro with the outside tables. Bound to be french fries on the sidewalk."
"Chirp, chirp, chirp chirp ChIrp's!!!"
"If you want McDonalds so badly, ask your father to take you."

I think they have gone to forage because the chirps have really subsided and the earlier discussions are over with just a few early morning greetings here and there. I really love this time of morning. Wishing all a wonderful day, and remember to eat breakfast. It can be the best meal of the day, worms aside.

One of a kind

At a senior assisted living apartment building, people come and go. Mostly they go to the hospital and then rehab. Sometimes they come back.  I saw a friend of my parents last week when I took my father to the gerontologist. She was in great spirits and looking forward to coming back. She visited the building on  Friday and my mother remarked how happy she was to see her. You don't need to know her health problems, suffice it to say they were severe.

Shirley died this morning. My mother is devastated. We are in agreement that we're glad she did not have to suffer very much and that she got to see her friends before she died. Then my mother gave the greatest eulogy a person could have. She said, "Shirley was one of a kind. She was tolerant with a good word for everybody. She was a friend to all. She was kind to all. I am going to miss her."

Goodbye dear lady, may we all be as graciously remembered.

A day at the beach, and after

I brought my thousand year old parents to the beach to enjoy the warm weather on Saturday. It was a bit of work because I had to go back to the old house, find the floats and chairs and then set up at the beach before I picked them up. The old man, 95, had his jams and a sun-safe shirt on. He also wore sandals and a sun-safe hat. The old lady, 96, wore white shorts and a little top, sandals and a straw hat. She sat in the shade while Erica and I took the old man out on the lake. It takes two to get him on the float and four to get him off and on his feet up on the beach. Since Eri was on another float and both were on a long rope tied to the buoy, I got to play on flotation noodles with my nine year old grandson. John sat with Bubby up on the chairs.  Afterward we all went to the Soho Cafe and ate NY style pizza.

Later, talking to John at the condo pool, I said that I never expected them to live this long. I truly thought last summer would be the last time my old man would be on the lake. He really is much weaker this year, and I don't see myself bringing him to the beach without assistance like before. I brought him to the doctor earlier this week when he was running a fever and John asked why I keep on taking care of him when I profess I can't wait for him to die. Now that I started taking care of him I just can't stop and say he is on his own. I took on a job and have to finish it. Some people have told me I have done more than anyone could expect. That is probably true but it isn't over until they are gone. I've been told I will miss them when they are gone. We shall see.

I have never been a good sleeper but after my hours at the lake and pool I slept almost nine hours, got up for awhile and went back to sleep for another three hours! I was thrilled when Pete and Les invited me out for dinner. It's fun to drive down Nicollet Avenue, commonly called "Eat Street" and chose from the  myriad of ethnic dining choices. We went to the Noodle Bowl, a newer Vietnamese restaurant that Laurel and I found last week where we had wonderful Pho'. Today we enjoyed three distinct tastes; curried chicken, seafood stir fry and an incredible beef chow fun. We didn't order anything spicy but that beef nearly blew my head off. Pete said it reminded him of Singapore and it was the best thing he had in a long time.

Later today a friend is coming over with his pasta maker and we are going to spend the day making noodles and sauce. In between we will run out to the pool and relax. Later we might go to the movies. Isn't life different than we think it will be? All the worry and plans, hopes, expectations and sometimes disappointments works out to something different. The family get together turns into three different days, some time with family, some with a friend, and some just all alone. And rather than the usual picnic/barbeque food I get to enjoy pizza, amazing Asian and later, home made pasta. If I can remember that each day is an opportunity to be amazed with wonder at life, what a wonderful life it can be.

As my friend Michael ends his email, blessed be.

An Unusual Fourth of July

Independence Day is another name for July 4th. I started thinking about freedom and independence and what it means to me. 

Janis Joplin sang: 

"Freedom's just another word for nothing left to lose
Freedom ain't worth nothing but it's free." 

Recently Martina McBride recorded a song about a woman who gets her revenge on an abusive husband:

 "Let freedom ring, let the white dove sing let the whole world know that

Today is a day of reckoning let the weak be strong, let the right be wrong 

Roll the stone away, let the guilty pay, it’s independence day".

Well! I guess if I had to choose (and I don't) I would roll Janis' way. I never really looked for freedom. I liked having encumbrances and responsibilities. I liked having people depend on me. These days I feel rudderless, without an anchor, and I don't really like it. 

For me, July 4th is right up there with Thanksgiving as an important family holiday. Our dear friends who usually host the get-together at their lake home are unable to this year due to an accident. Our host and hostess go out of their way to make it a special day for us. I wish I could take away our hostesses pain and make it a special day for her. So far I will be alone. I know there will be people here at the condo hosting their families by the pool. Maybe one or both of my girls will come by. I would like to see my son-in-law and grandson. Maybe I will be invited somewhere. (Hint?)

I have also been thinking about my responsibility as an American. The founding of this country as a democracy was an experiment never seen before. On paper it was wonderful. What a goal, life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness. Of course it was more wonderful for land owning white men than it was for their wives or slaves, servants, or native peoples as the case might be. As those founders died off their words lived on. So many people have come here looking for a better life, either financially, politically or spiritually and many have found what they are looking for. We are a people who pursue happiness. Drive by the parks this weekend and see the families being happy together. (Hey, who forgot the ice?) It is the national pastime and each of us as free to pursue it in the manner we please.

On paper it still is a pretty wonderful thing and over the years we have tried to foist it on peoples around the world who haven't the historical context to apply it in their cultures. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't and sometimes corruption takes place instead. I want America to be the good neighbor, setting by example a standard  for the world to emulate. I want the words on the paper to be ones we actually live by. One sad thing for me was finding out that what I thought was altruism was just capitalism. Another is knowing that we talk about freedom of speech, but in truth, pointing out the Emperor isn't wearing clothes can get me into trouble. I have never believed in "my country right or wrong." Nor do I believe our way is the only one that God approves of or that God blesses America more than any other nation.

Our time here on Earth is finite. Our lives are but a grain of sand in the vastness of the universe. Our form of government can't even be measured in the wheel of time, two hundred plus years is too small to notice. This Independence Day I say, "God bless the whole world, no exceptions." 

Be well and heal soon dear Clara.