Missing Cousin Harriet

I first met Cousin Harriet when she was 93. For six years I had the absolute pleasure of knowing her first hand and up close. She was a woman who loved to laugh, loved God as she knew him, laid down to sleep each night with no regrets, and woke up each morning ready to enjoy the day. She hadn't had the easiest of lives, yet didn't feel hers was particularly hard either. The main thing she knew was love. She loved her parents, and loved her husband though she didn't marry young. She insisted that her parents live with them and she took care of them through their aging and dying. Her goal was to live longer than 102 which is how old her mother was when she died. She only made it to 99, but I pointed out to her that she was not gaga like her mother was.

I used to go over between shifts at the Hilton and she was always glad to see me. I would try to bring her a new joke, and oh, she would laugh. She especially loved an off color joke that made her think. Her eyesight wasn't good but she loved to read and took her time. We brought her "Memoirs of a Geisha" and she admitted never knowing anything about that kind of life. Who did? She read the first Harry Potter book and thought it too sophisticated for children. She liked a good Danielle Steele but had to say she thought they were getting repetitious.

Harriet was Scott's grandfather's first cousin, which made her Scott's first cousin twice removed. The first year we brought her home for Christmas she was so happy. She watched us open presents and played cards with ninety years of cunning. She kept saying it was an old fashioned Christmas and she loved it. She became part of our Thanksgivings and Christmas celebrations and all the kids loved her. I was so proud of my nephews and the hugs and kisses they gave her. Not so easy for teenage boys, but they were loving and lovely. It is a testament to my nephews and niece and daughters to say they were wonderful and open to this old lady who came into their lives so late in her life. 

She listened to my problems at work and when I was fired she encouraged me to find the work I wanted. She was so happy when I got the Liaison job. I wish she was encouraging me again as I search for work. I look at the furniture that I was able to buy due to her leaving me a legacy. Who was I to her? Really a stranger who became family of the heart. I was in a unique position to see her often and whatever I used in gas was more than repaid with friendship.

Throughout my life I have always gotten along with old ladies. So many of them have influenced me. I think about Mibs and Gracie and the other Celebrate ladies. They taught me that learning and creativity need not stop with age. They taught me that the qualities of learning and being open are what growing older are all about. I recently heard that William F. Buckley was ready to die because he had done everything and had nothing left to do or want to do. Harriet and Mibs taught me that each day is to be enjoyed, that there is always something new to learn. There is always something to live for.

This morning, as the birds begin to sing and the sky starts to lighten,  I remember with fondness dear Harriet, and Mibs, and confused but sweet Gracie and hope that I will be a beacon for other young women; that I will have influenced someone too. The only way to do that is to get out of bed and live life to it's fullest. Today, I am ready. As Yoda says, "There is no try."

Silly fun

Tonight I went out with friends to a bar in Arden Hills and sang Karaoke. I had a wonderful, wonderful time. I drank a little Coca-Cola and had a shot of Baileys. I danced and was with friends who knew they were being silly and we were all silly together. It was so much fun. We sang and sang and danced and had fun.

We cheered for everyone and nearly everyone took a turn. I never sang alone and went up a few times. The first time I sang Que Sera Sera. This is a song my birth mother used to sing, (along with Doris Day) and I think about her dying at 42, que sera, what will be, will be. It is such a sweet song and everyone sang along with me. I also signed the group up for "All you need is love", not realizing there were actual lyrics before the all you need is love chorus. Then I got two friends to sing Wild Wild Life with me. I felt like I was in Real Stories. "I'm wearing fur pajamas..."

I love to sing in a group. I am a terrible singer and Tony said I sounded like the nicest dying buffalo he ever heard. I had to laugh. My my my Sharona! There is a 68 measure break in that song. I remember singing at the first Celebrate Yourself I ever attended. What a very good time I had without feeling self conscious. I remember singing at Epcot during the laser light show. "Let there be peace on earth and let it begin with me." That is one of my favorite songs ever. The girls were mortified but I just sang my heart out. Let it begin with me.

Something a little sad was going to a Unitarian holiday event to hear the choir and they led the congregation in song. Everyone was enjoying the feeling you get when everyone sings together and I felt like my heart was breaking. I felt so cheated and excluded. Where I could have been part of that family of like thinkers, I had been excluded. I had to leave.

Now tonight, I was not really with like thinkers. I was just with friendly accepting people who liked me. They were happy to see me when I came, and happy to sing and dance with me. A new group joined us later and Tony asked me to introduce his group to the people who were already there. I was about to leave and did my best to remember names. I got a lot of kisses and regrets from the new people that I was leaving. Instead of feeling excluded, I was included and left feeling very light. I put the cruise control on 60 and sailed home.

What are the differences that divide us? How can we be as one? For me, I think it is the desire to stop judging and start seeing the loving hearts we all possess. It is saying take me as I am and I will take you as you are too. There are some people in this world who are haters. I think of Dick Cheney and Rush Limbaugh and Ann Coulter. I try not to be a hater. I am not at the point of loving people who hate and cause hurt, but I am at the point where I can look at an old guy at the VFW and see more similarities than differences. We all want to have a good life. We all want to laugh. Maybe some people will disappoint me. Maybe some will hurt me with their sick venom. I have a choice, though. I can be open and strengthen myself with layers of love and acceptance or close up and harden my shell. I have made my choice, and I choose happiness.

Laundry day

I really do not mind doing laundry. I have a washing machine and dryer, an indoor line and good detergent. I don't mind folding. And if someone else will carry it all up, I don't even mind putting it away. What I do mind is never finishing. Every dirty thing is clean and put away. What a sense of accomplishment and then...you take off your underwear and start the pile all over again. Aarrgh! To me, hell would be working in an industrial laundry at a hotel or hospital where it literally never ends. But then I think about places like India where they wash the clothes in the river or a pond...no, I do not mind doing laundry. And I am grateful for all I have.

Across the years

My first boyfriend contacted me through facebook. What a surprise. He looks damn good and so does his wife. I always liked her. Forty years together is quite an accomplishment and I congratulated them. I also told about what was going on in my life and I copy part of it here because it is an affirmation that things are fine, different but fine.

"It has been said that man proposes, but God disposes. I was happily married for many years and have beautiful daughters. When the girls were growing up and we were building our business, we moved in step. Unfortunately my husband has decided to walk a different path, one without me. On paper, we are perfect, and we are still good friends. A few years ago, when we were deciding to divorce, I had to move my 90+ year old parents from Brooklyn, and lost my job. Everything was put on hold.

So here I am 57 years old, no job, no marriage, and our house has not sold for what we need to get for it. And I survive, living like a sister to my spouse, caretaking thousand year old parents, and competing with younger people for a job with health insurance.

But you know what? I am happy, and looking forward to whatever life has to offer. I know that the best is yet to come. The things I have worried about have come to pass and I have learned that they are not the worst things. Life is different from what I thought, and life is an adventure."

There you have it in a nutshell. I'm just fine.