How the computer places me

I joined an online dating service. You answer a zillion questions and it can be quite interesting to compare your answers with potential dates. Under the "Personality" tab is a graph that shows where your answers sit in comparison to others. That too, is interesting. Potential dates can see that I am more spiritual, more pure, more compassionate, progressive, political and kind, in that descending order. They can also see I am, (according to their statistics) less adventurous, less experienced in love and life in ascending order. How they reach these conclusions is a mystery to me.

But it does make me wonder. How well do I see myself? How well does anyone? It seems to me that we look at ourselves with either rose or mud colored glasses, and very rarely do we see clearly. I know for me it is always a shock to look at photographs and see how short I am. When I look down, the floor is far away. I can't imagine what the view is for my 6' 8" nephew. I watch little kids. They are the center of their world, at home in their own space.

Many years ago I was pregnant and every night my spouse would rub pure cocoa butter on my tummy. I smelled like chocolate and was under the impression that I had no stretch marks. Then I disrobed in a cubicle with a full length mirror. I had big red stretch marks on the underside of my bulge. They had been there all the time but not having a mirror, I hadn't seen them. (Oh, big, big freak out! Why didn't you tell me? I thought you knew!)

In my mind, I am brave and oh so street wise. I am a woman of the world who chooses to stay home and uses excuses not to travel, either the parents or money. How can I be less experienced in love and life? How? I don't know, but I guess I am, because the computer says so. And we all know the computer never lies. (Garbage in, garbage out.) It does explain why most of the matches they send me are old hippies. What rich guy wants someone more spiritual, and pure? It even makes me kind of nauseous. It does make me wonder, just who I am. I won't spend a lot of time wondering, though. Because, like Popeye, I yam what I yam, and have the forearms to prove it.

Well wishers, uncross your fingers

There is a scene in a book I love, Vision of Light, where Margaret is seeing amazing things and finally asks God if He is giving her a sign. A voice answers that yes, apple blossoms in winter and all the other phenomena were to get her attention. I, too, have had amazing messages, time and time again that I totally ignored. They were too subtle for me. (I could write a book about missed opportunities.) But the other day I was sitting at a table in Costco eating some frozen yogurt and opportunity came right up to me and offered me a job.  

When I was a demonstrator cooking steak or fish, I often stood by the young man in the heating and air conditioning kiosk. I would give him samples and talk to him about his life. When he saw me on Thursday, he left his booth and came to talk to me. They were looking for someone to talk to potential customers and make appointments at another store. Would I be interested? On his say so, and without an interview, I started training on Saturday. I did another 4 hours today.  Tomorrow I will go into the office and meet the boss and fill out paperwork.

 

It isn't like cooking steak where folks flock for a free sample; it can be boring, waiting for people to approach. Either they are looking for a new heating and air conditioning system or they aren't. But then you get to visit with potential customers and for a couple of minutes have an interesting conversation. I don't have to sell anything, I just give info and get info. He said I did great and his boss was real impressed with the five appointments we made these past two days.

There is a part of me that really did not want to take this job. It does not pay enough and there are no benefits. But there is another part that says it is a job and I should take it. See how I do, be open to opportunities that come my way. Who knows where this might lead? But more than anything, when an opportunity takes the time to offer me a job when I am eating ice cream, I know it is a sign that I'd better pay attention, abandon what I think I know and be open to learning something new.

Someone asked me what my resolutions are for the new year. I only have two. I want to be more positive and try not to be negative. Here are Bette and Bing to sing about it for you.