Walking with Denise

On Monday I asked my neighbor Denise if she would like to go to the library with me. She said she had drumming with her group and invited me. No, I said, I did not want to do that. How about a walk tomorrow afternoon? Fine, I said. Give me a call when you want to go.

We live in a beautiful area replete with fine walking paths just outside our door. We started out on the wooden walkway above the pond and made our way down to the little creek where Canadian Geese were gathered. I was a little wary because of their size and territorial nature. Denise said we’d be fine and we were. We passed several families with downy yellow goslings. They were so sweet and the mamas let us look at their babies. Some were awake but some were asleep in the way of newborns everywhere, flopped down, little legs akimbo, dead to the world.

My friend and I share many similarities; we are both in our sixties, divorced after long marriages, under employed, want to laugh and both of us experience depression. Sometimes it is just good to talk to someone who knows what that is like. I am lucky that antidepressants help me live a pretty normal life. Denise has never found one that works. She’s looking into an alternative therapy and I’m interested to hear how that works out.

One thing about “clinical” depression that many people don’t understand is that being depressed is not the same as being unhappy. It is not caused by an event or crisis although stress can certainly trigger depression. What gets me through is the knowledge that it gets better. Exercise helps, but it is really hard to exercise when down.  It was fun to bitch and moan about what was going on with each of us. I didn’t try to fix her and she listened to me. By the time we got to the geese we had unloaded our complaints onto the path and were able to talk about the little blue flowers on Creeping Charlie. We agreed that some people thought it a weed, and others bought it in pots. Oh, it is fun to walk with someone who speaks from her heart. We didn’t go fast and before we knew it we left the park, crossed the street and started around a nature area. The sky was blue, the clouds wispy white and at four o’clock on a Tuesday afternoon, we only saw one other walker and one guy on a bike. The paths were ours to wander, admire, and commiserate. I’ve always had a hard time with small talk. I want real talk. I’m good with pleasantries for about five minutes. We agreed that we were very interesting people, not superficial (oh no, not us!) at all.

We got back and watched bachelor mallard ducks paddling about our pool. Four of them enjoying the cold water and trying to find something to eat in the chlorine. I don’t know why they come here each spring and hope they don’t defecate in the water. Tomorrow they will be on the lake. My plan for today is simple. I will eat good chocolate and fresh fruit while enjoying being alive.