I miss

I sometimes am oblivious, but oftentimes quite observant. Today, while walking I saw many interesting plants and flowers. What intrigued me most was a driveway blocked off with hay bales. On top of the bales was brown dirt and in the dirt was an assortment of vegetable plants. I will be keeping an eye on this alternative garden.

The title of this blog is "I miss". Although I have memories of the experiences, I still miss the reality of these things in my life.

I miss being married to my best friend and having his eyes light up when he saw me.
I miss being able to talk to him about everything.
I miss the happy parts of my marriage.
I miss working together for common goals.
I miss the physical union.
I miss being needed.

I miss my baby girls and my growing girls and my teenagers.
I miss going on school trips and driving to swimming.
I miss taking them to Excelsior Beach.
I miss talking to them and lying in bed reading together.
I miss planning surprises and parties for them.
I miss being needed.

I miss having friends who love me and live near.
I miss having a job that I was good at and did good there.
I miss having a purpose driven life.
I miss having something to wake up and look forward to each day.
I miss people calling me for help.
I miss solving problems.
I miss being needed.

I miss my enthusiasm and creativity.
I miss my energy and deep sleep.
I miss looking forward to new books.
I miss my thinner face.
I missed years of my fifties lost in depression.

I can feel depression closing in on me.
What saves me is knowing it will pass.
Being busy, if I can, will help.
But oh! I miss being needed.