The squeaky wheel

Early Tuesday morning, about 3 AM, I called the nurse's station. I explained who I was and why I was calling; Sunday and Monday morning I received messages that the old man had crawled out of bed and they found him on the floor. I wanted them to check him and make sure he was still in bed. They checked him every two hours. I wanted them to check him more often. I did not want to get one more call that he was on the floor. They wanted me to go back to bed.

Last night the old lady and I went to visit. We found the bed moved up against the wall and a thick mat placed next to it on the other side. This way, if he gets the notion and energy to crawl out of bed again, at least he won't be lying on the cold floor. Not ideal, but not too bad either. I pulled the mat away so my mother could sit by him and hold his hand. "Do you know who I am?" she asked. "You're my wife!" We were happy that he was aware, but then after she told him she loved him he turned into a petulant child. "I want to go home. Why do I have to be here? I was happy at home, you should have left me there!" Then the moans and groans came and this dramatic statement, "I want to die, it was miserable in the beginning and my whole life and it is miserable now."

Way to go, Dad, way to go. Tell the woman who tells you how much she loves you that your whole life, including the 52 years spent with her, stinks. The old lady is a trooper. She told him that he can come home when he can walk again. She says he is like a bad baby. I will tell you one thing, if you are a miserable young man, and make no effort to look for the good, you will be a miserable old man. Two weeks ago the doctor told us he couldn't live more than two weeks. Surprise, surprise.

The old lady asks if she is a bad person if she wants him to die? No, not at all. We all do, including the old man. I think we all want some peace. (When do we want it? Now!) Other people talk of the beauty of watching a parent die and the wonderful closure. I am pretty sure we will not be having that experience. Next visit, I am not waking him up. I would rather watch him sleep than yell lies about his getting better.