Lifting the burden

It turns out that the old lady is very susceptible to agreeing with whomever she is talking to. If a nurse said my dad was getting enough care at home, she agreed. If I said he should be moved to a care facility, she agreed. Finally, I made the decision to have him moved and I think she is OK with it. We moved him on Thursday night, gave him a day to get settled and went to visit yesterday.

He was more alert, knew who we were and had enough energy to be a pain in the ass. Wonderful! It hurt her so much that the last time she kissed him, he looked at her blankly. This time she knew he recognized her and that gave her happiness. Having him being cared for in a nice facility has really lifted the burden on both of us. She feels a little guilty, but I told her she shouldn't. He is getting a higher quality of care and I think we were both surprised to see him doing so well, mentally.

Physically, I have seen better looking prisoners of war. He is so skinny, his legs, arms and chest are just bones. His face is pretty skeletal. Yet there is still that spark of life there. He was able to complain about the bed being hard (it is an air mattress) and he was aware enough to want to go home, whereas at home he had no idea of where he was. Sort of a convoluted way of saying he was alert. And the moaning! He was not suffering in silence as long as he had an audience.

I said to him, "Dad, you know you don't have to stay around for us. Anytime you feel like leaving, go ahead." He replied that it isn't that easy. It must be frightening to let go of the only life you have consciously known when you do not believe in the Creator or any kind of continuation of consciousness.  Many years ago, when I received the meditation techniques I sometimes practice, I lost my fear of death because I saw eternity and know that my energy will go on forever in some shape or other.

So I feel good but my mother is just starting to prepare herself for being widowed for the second time. She is not looking forward to living alone, but I can't see her marrying again. (That was a joke) Keep sending her good thoughts. As the tiny, bent over thing declares, "I must be strong as a horse!" Yes, Mom, an old thoroughbred put out to pasture, enjoying a few days of sun.