My job

Sometimes I get low because I have not had a paying job in quite a while. I think I am wasting life and talent and time. Today, though, I realized I do have a job. It has paid for many of my expenses and even some luxuries. That job has been to be a caretaker for my parents. It was while I was in a dressing room with the old man, tying his shoes that the epiphany happened. The old man remarked that he could not do this without me, go shopping alone. He couldn't find the racks and the fitting room and the men's room, to say nothing of actually getting to the store. He has had a lot of disdain for the way some of the elders in his building dress. I gently said to him that is why so many in his building wear the same things over and over. Some can't afford new clothes, some have nobody to take them shopping, and some can't even speak English. He had to agree.

In the car the old lady said that she was much easier than the old man. She just picked out her shoes. I said that I was the one that brought all the different styles to her, as well as the shorts and capris. She just had to sit there. She laughed and made a joke that we weren't counting that. I took them to Byerly's and the sweet waitress couldn't get their order right and the old lady acted just like a spoiled brat. The server brought some jelly and the old lady sneered, "Too late." I pointed out to her that she still had three slices of toast left so it wasn't too late and did she want it? No. Usually it is the old man who complains.

My job these past five years has been to prolong life and add quality to that life. There has been true learning and growth on both sides. The old lady has become a more appreciative person. She is no less self centered, but does realize what others do for her. The old man, who knows? It is amazing to see him shrinking before my eyes, getting so very skinny and frail. He can be clear and perceptive, but some of the time he doesn't understand what is going on and I have to repeat things until they sink in.

As with any job there has been a learning curve. At first I thought they could do more than they can and I introduced too much too soon. There have been months when I took one of them to a doctor or dentist every other day. There have been times when I blew my top and screamed. I even worked on some issues with a counselor. I will do all I can for people but being called stupid for not being a mind reader will push my red button. I don't know if my parents understand the depth and breathe of the sacrifice I have made to give them a better life. Probably not.

What have I gotten out of this? I have learned a patience that I never thought I could achieve. I have become more compassionate and accepting. I handle what is thrown at me. That is not to say I float like a lily over the muddy water. I get tossed and dirty, but not as emotional as in the past. I realize I took on a huge task without understanding what I was getting into. I did it with a firm determination and it is my task and no one else's although I do appreciate the respite my daughters, especially Eri, have given me.

As somebody who has been obsessed with time and timelines, I have learned they are artificial markers. Things take as long as they take. I thought I would be at a different place in my life at this age. I thought my parents would be dead, I would have a good job and be making a difference in this world. They say to think globally and act locally. Now I am acting on a very small stage. I haven't cured cancer, or brought clean water to a village, stopped war and taught the world to sing. But in my life I have stopped a cycle of child abuse, raised wonderful human beings, and brought comfort to some sad old people.  When I lost my job I kept saying that the right thing was out there waiting for me. Little did I realize that taking care of my thousand year old parents is the right thing for right now.