This and that

1. Political Sideswiping

I woke up yesterday feeling good. I can say it was the first day since surgery that I really felt right. I looked down at my ankles and saw... bones! Yahoo! My left ankle has been in some state of swelling since June. Sometimes a little, sometimes a lot, but definite cankle. Great start to the day.

I make a joke at work when people walk by with jumbo flat screen televisions. Something to the effect of "What a tiny TV" and everyone laughs. Last night a couple stopped to talk about their purchase and before I knew it we were talking about cable. I mentioned that I have one step above basic and so do they and I said it bothered me to have so many shopping channels and no choice as to news programs. I said I would rather have MSNBC, which I don't get, to Fox, which I did. Oh boy, did the shit hit the fan. Which brings me to the next topic.

2. Legal vs Ethical

The couple maintained that Obama was leading us into a socialist state and started talking about how people can use food stamps in liquor stores. I told them that was 100% illegal and they said they knew about a place on the northside where it is being done all the time. I told them to call the Dept of Agriculture and the police and report the offender.

Now instead of shutting my mouth and wishing them well as they were spouting garbage, I raised the topic of a friend of mine with MS who cannot get physical therapy and Mrs Romney who also has MS and was able to take a $77,000. deduction for her Olympic horse training fees because she uses him for therapy. The man said it was legal. The tax code allowed for it. I said it wasn't moral. He asked if I took any deductions and I said only the basic one. Well, hell. Yes I take a tax deduction. They finally left.

Recently I have been doing a little research on Donald Trump and his "bankruptcies". All perfectly legal and all smarmy as hell. Legal for the creditors to get pennies on the dollar while the billionaire takes advantage of the law.  Legal but unethical. How was he able to do this 3 times within ten years? Banks kept offering him money. Not only did they not hold him to the same standards as anyone else who declares bankruptcy, they courted his business. Of the three times, he only lost money the first time. After that it was all his corporation taking the blame. Oh yeah, it was legal, but highly unethical on the part of the banks and the Donald.

A person can use a cutting tongue to abuse a spouse or child and not break any laws. I happen to think the Golden Rule should be obeyed too.

3. The Burden of Love

I've been thinking about independence and love and if you can have both together. I did not tell my out of town daughter about my surgery beforehand because I did not want her to worry. And I did not want to take any healing time to reassure her. I told my in-town daughter when to drop me off and when to pick me up and not to call or visit. I just wanted to sleep. What followed were hurt feelings and apologies and having to use mental energies to make things right. Just what I didn't want to do. But that is the burden of love.

We cannot ignore the people we love and who love us when it is convenient for us. That means considering their feelings and not just our own. When there is a network of love, one cannot decide to be 100% independent because whether or not you are thinking about the others, they are thinking of you. We try not to knowingly hurt others and must accept the responsibility that love brings. I would rather be loved than be an island alone.

Which brings me to:

4. Aging connections

It is no secret that I relocated my parents, lock, stock, and knitwear, from Brooklyn to Minnesota. They were 90 and 91 at the time and had become a problem I could not solve long distance. It was pretty traumatic for them and I tried to reassure them that I did not want to take away their dignity or independence. Yet they became dependent on me for so many things. Every once in a while my mother would say, "Now I can tell you..." and it would turn out that my father had fallen out of bed or she had fainted and it had all been dealt with but she hadn't wanted to tell me because she didn't want me to worry. I would get upset and say it was my job to worry. Then I would work with the administration to change the situation.

I am only (yes, only) sixty. That is thirty years younger than when I brought my folks to Minnesota. I like to think I am independent. My daughters are 25 and 29 years younger than I am. I must recognize that they are adult women and not interfere in their lives. I also have to acknowledge their right to be as concerned about me as I am about them. I have been lucky to have the example of my in-laws, Betty and Don who did not interfere and were always supportive.

Harriet would sometimes say that she used to be the mother and I the child, now I was the mother and she the child. I hope that when the time comes for me to surrender to the circumstances I will do it with grace and not give my daughters a hard time. I figure I have another thirty years or so to kick up my heels. So darlings, don't worry about me- too much.