Realistic Expectations

I'm on a dating site and decided to see who visited my profile. I didn't read all of this mans answers to questions but he seemed a decent sort although not very local. He is 70, which is not outside my upper limits. One of the things he said he couldn't live without was his heart doctor. He also admitted to only reading 2 novels. (Well maybe he likes non fiction?) OK, OK, OK, maybe not such a winner. This is what he is looking for: Women 40-71. Yes that is right, women as much as 30 years younger and up to ONE year older. What a prize, what delusions.

I would like to think that at 60, and a couple of pounds extra, I am still attractive. But based on the amount of interest I get, I think that attractiveness is not very strong for most people. That is OK, I'm working to reduce my gut. I know I want someone to be in fairly good shape too. But this guy? He actually thinks he has something so compelling women 30 years younger will want him? Or even 20 years? And he has the audacity to dismiss anyone older than he is.

I used to live in a place with a tiny, high mirror in the bathroom. By standing on tiptoe I could see my entire face. By standing on the toilet, I could check out different parts of my body. I never did get the whole picture. But sometimes, I would spend a lot of time on eye makeup and leave the house convinced I was stunning. Later, I could be in a store or public place with full length mirrors, catch sight of myself and, in the words of Christine Lavin, ask, "What was I thinking?" Because what I thought was going on and the appearance I was presenting were two different things. I am remembering the story of when a group of blind people got to touch an elephant. Their impressions varied from something thin and swishy, the tail, to something strong as a tree, the leg, to something like a snake and something as broad as a wall. No one could see the whole animal.

I'm not going to say I am not judging the guy who loves his heart doctor. Of course I am. But does he have a realistic view of himself? I really don't think so. Pivot these thoughts around towards ourselves. Do we have realistic views of our own selves? I really don't think so. When I see young women disparage their beautiful bodies with false ideals, or see how inappropriately some dress, I want to hold up the full length mirror. I want to say, look, look at how lovely you are. I want to say wear jeans that make your pretty butt look good. I want to tell men young and old, pull up your pants! I want to say all kinds of things.

But mainly I need to talk to myself. I need to say, stop judging, walk a mile in his/her shoes. I need to tell myself to be the best, and kindest person I can be. I need to tell myself to be the love I would like to find.