What does it mean to feel peace?

What does it mean to be a daughter, a mother, a sister, a friend? What is our obligation? When do we put our needs above our parents, children, siblings and friends? What is right and what do we justify to feel right?

These past few years have been hard. At times I had to put other's needs behind my own and say, "I need this for me." And other times I have put my needs behind those of my parents and children. There is a balance that is tricky to get right. As a mother I usually put my children first. I liked that. I think they liked it too, unless it became a burden. Putting myself first was new and I often didn't know how to do it without drama, nor they how to react.

My parents are a different galaxy to explore. Where they had a certain authority, and I very little power, I now have almost all the power. It is a heavy responsibility at times. Other times the burden rests easy. Tonight was beastly cold but I took them out for a nice dinner. We sat in peace waiting for our meals. They loved the food, the ambiance, the wait staff remembered us. The old man ate quite a lot and had nothing to complain about. I gave the old lady strokes for being a bigger woman than someone she is feuding with. I looked at these truly ancient people and thought, good for them. When I moved them out here from Brooklyn, I truly didn't think it was going to be for more than a few years. Now I have the patience to see it through for as long as it takes. At least I do tonight. (Tomorrow I might scream.)

I am sitting here, alone except for the cats. I really have no worries, nor anyone to report to. I have some nice friends, and dear family. The peace I am feeling is precious. I am not going to analyze it or think about how long it will last. I am here and I am happy.