Using words

You hear it all the time, parents telling their small children to use words, that mama can't understand unless you use your words. The tearful toddler says "Want juice" and the mother produces the sippy cup. So, I wonder, when do we learn not to use words to get across what we want? And why do we do it when the results are so spotty?

There is a 15 second spot for a new Lifetime Network show about giving birth. The ad airs between games on my computer. In it a woman in bed says to her husband, "Look at him." He looks up and she looks away and says, "His wife is in labor and he's on his Blackberry." Then she looks at him and he says, "What do you want me to do?" At first I thought the guy was a jerk. But the more often I saw it I realized that the wife was not using words to get what she wanted. When she asked for his attention, she got it, but she looked away. He might not be the most sensitive guy but he did ask what she wanted him to do. Why didn't she say, "Please come be with me, I want you with me." She expected him to just read her mind and know. He couldn't understand unless she used her words.

The other day Eri and I went up to see Grandma Betty. At one point she said she wanted to wash her hair. When it was getting time for us to go I mentioned the hair washing. She waffled around, oh it wasn't necessary, or maybe I should, or she could do it herself, or I didn't have to if I didn't want to, etc. Finally I said I was going to ask her a question and there were only two answers, yes or no. Did she want me to help wash her hair? "Yes." There! Wasn't that easy?

I come from New York and we are not big on subtlety. In your face, you know how we feel. But I have lived in Minnesota longer than I ever lived in NY and I still don't get it. I am very direct and sometimes people here think I am mad. It isn't anger, it is just the way I communicate. Subtlety is lost on me. I need things spelled out in big red letters. I'm a little psychic, but I don't usually trust it; I need clarity, I need words that say what you really mean.

So dear friends, I can't tell what you are thinking. Leave me a comment, let me know what you think about this or any other posting. Use words (or emoticons if you must.)