High Maintenance

Several years ago at work some of the guys were talking about people who are high maintenance. I innocently thought that because I don't wear much makeup and my hair is generally short or a mess that I couldn't be high maintenance. My friend Michael started to hoot, "Carol," he said, "you are extremely high maintenance!" I didn't understand it at the time.

I really am not that vain unless something I am attached to gets messed with. Then I am so self conscious, I become one pointed. In 1987 I needed to get a front tooth pulled but lived in total pain until the false tooth was ready. I would not go even one day without a front tooth.

I've been blessed with really good skin. It has few wrinkles. I have a fairly light case of rosacea that mostly shows up as pink skin. Little by little the pinkness is turning into tiny blood vessels close to the surface. Not like Uncle Bill the heavy drinker. I finally had the laser treatment and all I can say is "Oh my God! I have a pizza face."

They warned me it would look worse before it looked better. The first day it was swollen. The next day I did look like hard drinking Uncle Bill with the veins turning almost black. And now today, I look like an old witch with acne.

I didn't take my parents out today. I scared a delivery guy and I definitely did not go to a White Trash Party I was invited to. Hope springs eternal and I had a great costume complete with turquoise eyeshadow. But by this afternoon I knew that partying was out for me. My daughter tried to convince me to add a few false warts and I would fit right in. Um... no.

The old lady, 95, has a couple of sayings. She says that you have to suffer to be beautiful. After this treatment, I totally agree. She also says that every day of your life you are in a beauty contest. I opted out of the competition a long time ago and skated on being young and cute. It is quite a shock to pass the mirror and see someone not young, and believe me with a face like this, not cute either.

I've often heard that true beauty is on the inside. I don't really care what my innards look like. I'd rather be superficially good looking on the outside. So there you have it, my dark and vain high maintenance self exposed at last. (Bwahahaha!)