What to do?

If you ever were to visit my condo building there is a good chance you would meet Gerry. She is that friendly old lady dressed in purple with either long wild hair or very regular pin curls. Don't worry about waiting for me to buzz you in, Gerry will open the door to you or anyone. She always agrees that she shouldn't do that but there is one huge problem. Gerry has no short term memory.

Within a single conversation she will ask you what day it is three or four times. She knows something is wrong, she does, but will accept very little help. She is canny and wily and fighting for her life. No one can get into her unit and we wonder if she is getting enough to eat. I've wanted to take her to the grocery or for a haircut. She won't go. Another resident, 84 year old Betty, takes her to church and out to eat each Sunday. Betty is exhausted. Rita, age 81, wonders if Gerry might start a fire in her unit. Management doesn't know what to do. Several years ago a social worker determined that she wasn't a problem and could stay in her home.

But that was then and this is now and something has to be done for her own health and protection. We meet in the lobby and exchange horror stories. A few weeks ago I found her wandering around at nine at night in her overcoat and hat. She had been going in and out in the subzero weather waiting for Betty to take her somewhere. I was really concerned and the next day called the social worker at the building where my parents had lived. She suggested I get in touch with Adult Protection Services.

They are reopening the case and sending a social worker to investigate. Betty thinks she should go to a memory care facility. I hope she can get what they call Adult Elder Waiver where she can stay in her unit and get someone to come clean and make sure she is getting good nutrition, maybe Meals on Wheels. I know she is hungry because she took the left over food from our latest card party. Here, Gerry, do you like peanuts, oranges? Take home some chili and corn bread. Do you want veggies? Take the dip too.

Not everyone has children to watch out for them as they age. Not everyone wants to deal with their difficult aging parents. But what are we to do? Just as it takes a village to raise a child, it takes one to deal with the elderly. My mother used to say she was now the child and I the mother. What do we do with these old children with no one to oversee their health and wellness? We believe in freedom to live as we want as adults and have many protections in place so the elderly are not taken advantage of. But what do we do when they need help and won't accept it? I am the contact for the social worker and hope to hear from her soon.