The Nature of Kindness

This morning I have been thinking about the nature of kindness. Is it opening a door or holding an elevator? Yes, that can be kind but that is more a matter of manners; treating each other with civility as we would like to be treated. I think kindness includes being polite but goes far beyond.

Yesterday I met a new neighbor who has the parking spot next to mine. We immediately introduced ourselves and felt a connection. I found out that she didn't know where any of the amenities were and I showed her how to get to the locker and exercise rooms. Then I took her out to the pool where two women of our age were sitting. I made introductions and one of the women made a personal remark to me. I apologized and walked the new neighbor to the elevator.

I've been feeling a little icky inside since. I've been feeling a little bad about myself and wondering why until I realized that someone had been unnecessarily unkind. When introduced to a new person, I say welcome. I would ask where they had come from and if they were settling in. I would not ignore them and be a little snide to the person who introduced them. I would try to be kind. No, not try, I would be kind. I would show my caring side.

Sitting in a shady spot by the pool is not a stressful experience (unless one is scared of water). Why take the energy to be less than kind? It doesn't make sense to me.

Here are my peeves: meanness of spirit and intolerance. 

Here are the attributes I admire above all else: kindness and generosity of spirit.

We've all heard the saying that nobody can make you feel bad about yourself without your permission. I have chosen to believe that most people are good and do not have my defenses up all the time. So occasionally I get sideswiped. Then I have to toss out the ick and realize the problem is not mine unless I embrace it. Of course by then it has inserted a tentacle into my own feelings of worth. Why do all this rebuilding? Why not live in positivity instead? I can't control other's behavior, but I can remind myself to turn away anger and be kind. It is just a better way to live, for me and everyone else.

Update on Harriet

This morning my mother left a message on the phone. She leaves one every day and I can pretty much anticipate what she is going to say, "This is your mother. When are you coming to visit?" So knowing it was there, I didn't actually listen to it until later. She said, "This is the pain in the ass, your mother. Call me." I did laugh and call to tell her I was coming after work. I told her how much I enjoyed the message and she remembered that she called herself the pain in the ass and laughed too.

Memory in the aged is a funny thing. She can remember that, and shoes she had as a toddler. But she can't remember days and dates and time gets confused. She asks me when a wedding is and I tell her August, or when Eri is moving, June, but has very little realization that it is May right now. Last week, next week, tomorrow, they are all the same and they are boring. There is no one to talk to she complains, but she doesn't want to talk to anyone who will talk about their own self.

Next Monday they are moving her into a permanent placement on the third floor, right across from the elevator. We have to talk if she wants to visit her apartment first. I will be bringing her yellow arm chair, TV, and small chest from the apartment.

On a personal note, I am extremely depressed and doing a lot of sleeping. I know it will pass, but it makes it hard to get anything done. Please send good thoughts my way. I could use the energy.