New days new ways

Quotes: The Wee Free Men by Terry Pratchett

'Miss Tick sniffed. "You could say this advice is priceless," she said. "Are you listening?"
"Yes," said Tiffany.
"Good. Now...if you trust in yourself..."
"Yes?"
"...and believe in your dreams..."
"Yes?"
"...and follow your star..." Miss Tick went on.
"Yes?"
"...you'll still get beaten by people who spent their their time working hard and learning things and weren't so lazy. Good-bye."'

I think about what causes laziness per se, but inertia and hidebound thinking.     I know it is fear. For me it is fear of rejection, of having my feelings hurt, of not being right, of being wrong. I think it is fear of being called stupid or being told I shouldn't have tried because that good thing should not belong to me. It is fear of success. Garrison Keillor talks about not standing out, of being like others, not making waves, and of course not putting one's self forward. I get it. You don't have to be raised in Minnesota by Sanctified Brethren to get that message. You can get the message loud and clear in Brooklyn too. Be like everyone else, be better than everyone else, but get no support for your efforts.

I lost my mother at a young age and sometimes I feel like I have been playing catch up ever since. I was a totally clueless child. I had no idea how anything was done and certainly learned to muddle through on my own rather than ask for help from my madman father and semi-illiterate stepmother. I never felt that my parents could help me because anytime they stepped in, they made it worse. The crazy thing is, I can help almost anyone. I can find resources for others, but have a hard time punching my way out of a paper bag.

So, what brings on this introspection? I've been terminated from the product demonstrator position I have held in a warehouse store for a year. It is a relief to know I don't have to worry over how I will offend the boss anymore. It is a relief to have the time and inclination to look for a job that is a better fit, where I can do good, and maybe have a little dignity. More than that, I want health insurance!

I have decided to do things a little differently. I am going to move ahead despite my fears. My new motto is, "What is the worst that could happen?" Face that fear: looking stupid, being rejected, etc, etc, in a logical way and not get discouraged by real or imagined hurts that could happen. The flipside is, of course, "What is the best that could happen?"

I have friends working on PhD degrees, friends accepting new positions in new places, a niece that is working full time, has two small children and writing a book. I see people putting themselves in an open place, where by their efforts, they can experience their dreams coming true.

Today, I made several changes. I microwaved an ear of corn. Guess what? It was delicious and easy. I called a friend and I am going to go up to Ely for a few days rest on Sunday. I have asked a neighbor to feed my cats while I am gone. Just because I can't go to California doesn't mean I have to stay home. And I am going to pursue getting back either into a helping profession or find something else that is wonderful to do. What is the worst that can happen? I might succeed.