Not much fun for anyone

There were two voice mail messages waiting for me when I took my break at work today. The assisted living facility called to say the old man had fallen twice. When I called back they told me he would not go to the emergency room. He wasn't hurt but his primary physician wants to see him sometime this week. No broken bones, amazing as that seems.

The second part of my break was spent on the phone shouting at my father. "Dad, you have to use the walker. Every time you stand up you must use the walker." He doesn't think he needs to use it inside the apartment. "Dad, you are falling in your bedroom, you are falling in the bathroom, you are falling when you stand up".  He tries to explain that his feet aren't working. Yes, and that is why he should hang on to the walker so he doesn't fall down. Finally I asked him if he wanted to stay in the apartment or go to the Shalom Home. He wants to stay in his apartment with my mother.  I told him that if he didn't use the walker they would send him to the Shalom Home, a real nursing home. "Will you use the walker?" He said he would.

I'm sad that he is full of pride and fear and confusion. I am sad that the old lady has to deal with her husband falling apart. I am sad that I can't help him. He wants to know what is wrong with him and all I can say is he is old and his body is wearing out. There is no doctor who can fix what he has. He wants to see a doctor because his back hurts. "What hurts, Dad?" His skin. I explain to him that we have seen many doctors and tried many different creams and drugs and what he has is sensitive dry skin on his back. His arms are like two sticks, skinny and black and blue. Each time he falls and he is helped up the skin bruises and tears where they lifted him.

We went to Chili's for ribs yesterday. He ate about four and a very small handful of fries. He drank about  three ounces of Blue Moon Beer and the old lady finished the rest. I don't know if he enjoyed himself or not. The old lady had her usual good time. And I got more and more depressed.

I signed on for the duration, but I never thought it would be so long. I realize my life is in Limbo until they both pass. I live day to day for now, never knowing the next demand on my time. Will it be him or her with a complaint that needs to be dealt with? Will it be something financial? Will he have sent away for some crazy thing that I need to return? Will he start calling hearing aid places or play the foreign lotteries? After at least 50 years of using an electric razor, he says the new ones don't work. I bought him shave cream and razors. Now he says he needs shaving soap because he can't work the button on the can. It is too hard. I bought the soap and a mug. She wants red lipstick, bright. She can do only one thing each day. If we go to eat, she can hardly make it back home.

Everyone tells me how lucky I am to have my parents at almost 96 and 97. They are lucky as hell to have me. I know I have grown in patience and acceptance. I hope the lessons we all needed to learn are coming to an end because watching my father fall apart is not much fun for anyone.