Time, a rather depressed blog post.

Today I was surprised by an old work friend stopping by my booth. It has been about ten years since I last saw her and yes, time has taken its toll on both of us. Still, it was lovely to see her. She told me another old friend had shown her my blog and I was quite touched. I told her I hadn't written much recently.

"Time keeps on ticking, ticking into the future" writes Steve Miller.

Day follows day and the things I want to accomplish are not getting done. I am taking the smallest of steps and calling each one a victory. Cleaned the catbox, yay! Emptied the dishwasher, did laundry, took a shower, made a phone call, ate ice cream. The plants are inside, let the frost come. Got the oil changed, blew my nose, went to work.

October and November are hard months for me. I feel depression on my shoulders as I do each fall as the light fades. Turn on the Happy Light. Keep turning on the Happy Light. Knowing that this depression has a physical cause keeps me going. Anti-depressants do help, but they do not cure. Knowing that this shall pass in time keeps me going. I am fine, not suicidal, not unhappy, just depressed. I look at all my problems and they are in my power to fix. If the bedroom is a mess, I can clean it up, just need the energy to do so. I have a bedroom, a cute little bower all of my own. If my problem is a pile of books that the cats knock over, my life is truly blessed.

And that is what I really want to say. I am depressed, but I am not unhappy. It is like having an allergy. Sometimes something triggers it, and sometimes many things trigger it. I know that in this case, the season and a raging case of procrastination are the triggers. Add to that some angst about a date that never called back...

Yesterday Leslie asked me if I am missing Harriet. I heard something about a politician she knew and would have liked to have told her; or seeing something she would have enjoyed. I am grateful for the year we had without the old man. And although I longed for her and my own release, I do miss her. I am someone who needs to do for others.

(This is a small rant: Parents, unless you need something like medicine, formula, or diapers, there is nothing so urgent for which you need to bring your screaming infant into a large echoing warehouse store. Please be kind to the baby, and other people. Some of us have all our nerve endings on our ears.)