My hope chest

Back in the day I used to watch American Bandstand and read my friends Seventeen magazine. I couldn't imagine the kind of life where one would spend $5 on a pair of socks. I couldn't imagine how one got cool enough to dance on TV. But there was something both those outlets promised. I knew that when I was a senior in high school I could get a miniature Lane Hope Chest. They said so in Seventeen magazine. It was promised on Bandstand.

It turned out that senior girls in certain high schools in certain states could get a miniature hope chest. As in so much else, I was shit out of luck. When I left home at 17, it was with a duffel. I married at 23, out of a commune. I didn't have a wedding shower, hope chest or much else. We moved into a mobile home with 2 melmac plates, 2 sets of cutlery and bowls, a wok, a cast iron frying pan and a used mattress.

Over the years I aquired it all. I even was left a set of sterling silver flatware from a beloved older cousin. My house is full of stuff! Now that I am getting my own place I have started a kind of hope chest for myself. Oh, it is so much fun.

I have new towels and some of the old. I bought a new set of cookware, a new pie pan, and today I bought a Vita-Mix. Yes! After looking at them for 35 years, I bought a Vita-Mix at a wonderful price. The young man demonstrating at Costco made me the most delicious sherbet from grapes, pineapple and spinach. I could do that! I would eat sherbet all day long if it weren't for the sugar. But making my own in three minutes...I can do that. I WANT to do that.

I have a new iron that doesn't leak, and closet organizers. I bought a flat basket for my make-up. I have hope in my heart and sometimes I am so happy at the thought of moving that my smile hurts my face and I almost cry for joy.

There is a lot of work that needs doing on the new place. There is still work that needs doing on me. Just seeing someone from my last job on Saturday brought up how much forgiveness is still needed. I can forgive my husband, my crazy old father, even George W, but I can't give up being angry at the woman who manipulated me out of my job. I vow to work on that. I have to forgive myself for being becoming a victim of her machinations and not seeing what was happening.

Here is the contents of my heart's hope chest:
Forgiveness for myself and others who have hurt me.
Eagerness for each new day.
Kindness to others.
Desire to be a good person.
Appreciation of gifts given, be it a sunrise or pearls.
Awareness of consciousness and the Creator.

A fowl comparison

I heard someone on the radio say "She is more of a Mother Goose than a spring chicken." I even wrote it down so I would remember it. That got me thinking about spring chickens.

I remember watching Peggy Lee on Ed Sullivan. My dad had the hots for her and my mother would call her "your girlfriend". He would disparage Ms. Lee and say she was no spring chicken. Lately he has told me I'm no spring chicken either.

Well, I'm not. For about 5 years I was Mother Goose, though. Since going to dances I realize I am not a pretty peacock (though the showy ones are male).

I used to collect swan images because they have the mythology of being very discerning. Supposedly they can separate milk from water and only drink the milk. Given reflection, that is crazy. Swans don't drink milk at all.

Each year at the State Fair I love seeing the fancy chickens. They are the ones with gorgeous feathers of every hue. Some of the black ones are irridescent and some are speckled, some have topknots and all are beautiful. I love the ones with bootlike feathers around their feet.

So no, I am not a spring chicken and not Mother Goose. I am not a peacock or a swan. I am more like a plump hen with beautiful feathers. You can hold me and pet me and I will hardly ever bite.

(Just a note, I do not have a tiny brain, beady eyes or lice; nor do I peck around in the dirt.)

Lucky ticket

There is a group on facebook called "Be Excellent to Each Other". My niece's mother invited me to join so I did. Tonight was their fundraiser for various children's charities. I asked several friends to go, then my daughter, then my son-in-law who agreed to come out.

The affair was very alternative and I saw tons of tattoos. One was quite nice indeed. I had twenty dollars and after buying one coke had seventeen left. I bought three raffle tickets for $5.00 each. We walked around the tables and tried to decide which prizes we wanted. Spent one ticket on Star Wars collectibles, one on haircuts and waxing, and the final ticket went to Wii games.

It was interesting watching the dynamics going on. I was easily one of the oldest people there and I looked quite nice, almost hip. Ha ha ha. We were laughing and having fun pointing out silliness to each other. We really enjoyed the Karaoke/Guitar Hero/Rock Band. Teams would get up and sing and try to play the faux guitars and drums.

The drawings began at 11. John kept checking our numbers. We didn't win the collectibles; we didn't win the day of beauty. Suddenly John was yelling, we won the Wii games and sword controller! "My son-in-law won!" I told everyone around me. Lots of congratulations. The prize was worth over $275.00!

John was very happy with his prize. I was happy to spend some time with John. He always gets quiet when at my house and he tells me that my daughter gets snarkier with me than anyone else. He always knows who is on the phone just by her tone of voice. He was so nice when she was overseas and I couldn't understand why he had changed. Tonight, we reestablished a good relationship and I'm not going to let my daughter ruin it again.

They say we dislike in others what we dislike in ourselves and I think I push all of her buttons. They also say you can pick your friends but you can't pick your relatives. Oh well...

Screaming Fox

I have never been a good sleeper but last night looked like it might be a good one. First I was awoken by VERY loud music at 12:25. It was Annie Lennox rocking out, the bass thumping through the floor and the voices coming through. Relax, I told myself, don't say anything. At 1:04 I ran downstairs and yelled over David Gilmour that it was late and I was trying to sleep. I did not find out until this morning that there wasn't work for S today. Oh.

But then I went back to bed with my heart thumping and just as I drifted off to sleep I heard a terrible cry. I couldn't figure out if it was a cat or raccoon or even a bird of prey. Then the motion sensor light below my window went on. I jumped out of bed to see what tripped it. It was a fox and it was SCREAMING. Going across one side of the dirt driveway to the other side into the trees. It was alone and screaming. It came out at the end of the trees, screamed, and then went off up the road.

There is a resident fox across the road in a small nature area. Sometimes I will see it at daybreak. It is always silent. I think that something was threatening its territory and it followed it over to our place. Inspection of the area doesn't find anything alarming.

When I first moved out here our neighbor used to feed the raccoons dog kibble. I had never seen such huge raccoons. They would lumber up out of the ravine and eat the kibble. One got in our basement and left huge paw prints and a big turd. Definitely not the cat! Thankfully those neighbors moved and the buffalo raccoons left too.

It will be strange to live in a city again. The building I am moving to is right on a park with walking trails and a small lake. The park leads into a nature preserve. I wonder if I will see deer and foxes and hawks and owls. Living here on my hill has been good. I will miss my porch and the tree outside my window. It will be strange to look across a pool over to a building. Here, I have been isolated and spoiled. I am looking forward to planting shrubs in boxes and doing gardening on a very small scale. I hope there won't be any screaming foxes.

Catching up with changes

I haven't blogged in quite a while because I have been overwhelmed with changes, overwhelmed with life.

In a nutshell, my incredibly wonderful loving brother and sister-in-law are buying my husband and my share of his mother's lake home. They have taken a loan and have given me the proceeds.

I made an offer on a condo in an area that I really like. We will be closing on November 2, 2009. I will move shortly and then begin my life without my husband. We can't divorce until I have health insurance, but we can be legally separated.

I am excited, and scared, and happy and sad. I am a wreck, but a hopeful wreck.

I thank the Creator for the many examples of love at work in my life. Now it is up to me to do my part.